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Weekend in Hell - The Blackboard Series
 
 
All Photos © Jeff Burgess/Travel Invasion
 
O.K., so the title is a little bit misleading. The folIlowing article will contain only one reference to any sort of higher or lower power.

A majority of people in Bakersfield seemed programmed to spend their weekend getaways in the most uncreative fashion. Clam chowder at Bob's in Morro Bay, followed by a boring overpriced cocktail cruise with a bunch of geeks in matching attire. Magic Mountain follwed by a 1,200+ calorie meal at the Hamburger Hamlet. A dissatisfying overpriced California Adventure in Anaheim. Lasting memories from these type of activities will quickly fade.

Bakersfield is somewhat blessed due to its geographic location within California. Within five hours driving distance, we can see and experience just about anything. Within three hours the choices are still staggering.


In the three hour range, I would have to say Death Valley ranks near the top of my list. A 3.3 million acre adventure park which averages about 900,000 visitors per year. To get statistical with you, that would mean that if each visitor were to stand in the park at one exact time, they would have approximately 3.6 acres to themselves. Truly a loners dream.

My last weekend visit to the park left me with some everlasting impressions. If you can stand a bit of heat, you still have time to enjoy. The smartest move is to rent a mini SUV from Budget for an amazingly low price of $80 from Friday to Monday with unlimited milage. You will get a new car with great AC that has the ability to provide a 90+ mile an hour drive through no mans land to get there. It is a brutal trip for any car, so you might as well put someone else's through it.

From Bakersfield, you will pass through one of the world's smeliest towns, Trona. Plug your nose and continue on. Entering the park is going to set you back $10 for a seven day pass. An amzing bargain for what awaits. Oncve inside the park, yor lodging options vary. The exclusive Furnace Creek Resort caters to the high roller. Rates at this resort start at $250+ per night. Much more reasonably priced lodging choices exist throughout the park.

Camping choices are all over the park, with quite a few offering free sites. More established campgrounds with varying facilites run typically from $10 to $16 per night. Various rules apply at each campground, sp ay attention to what you are doing. The easiest way to reserve a campsite is by calling 1-800-365-CAMP.

If you need a roof over your head and some much appreciated AC, your lodging choices are limited to three others. The Stovepipe Wells Village has rooms which will set you back $75 to $95 a night, with a a good onsite restaurant and bar open until 11:00 pm. This is the closest lodging to the Bakersfield entrance. The Furnace Creek Ranch is the low priced sister to the Furnace Creek Resort and offers a variety of lodging, including $85 cabins, which are actually more like a kid's playhouse due to the rudimentary construction and close proximity to each other. The ranch also offers rooms situated in a more traditional, motel style design built out around a swimming pool. These rooms range from $117 to $149 per night.
Contact the resort at (760) 786-2361.

Hopefully many of you are thinking at this point: why in the world would you want to trek around the desert in searing temperatures? If you have little knowledge of the desert and think it all looks exactly like the scrub and Joshua trees seen on the drive to Las Vegas, you are very wrong. Death Valley is one of nature's best playgrounds. Leave Bakersfield by 4 pm on a Friday and you will be at your room before darkenss falls. You can then drink up at teh Badwater Saloon as you make plans for the following days.

Wake up early and begin your aventure. Your choices include the famous Badwater region, which is the lowest point in the western hemisphere at -282 feet below sea level. During the drive to Badwater, check out the Artist's Pallet. This is a very colorful area in a region typically lacking color.

Other outing options include my favorite which is a 2+ mile hike to the Dunes area. Visually this hike is very misleading, appearing to be about 1/2 mile from the parking area. As you continue to walk, you realize you don't seem to be getting much closer. Eventually though, you will make it to the Dunes, and the hike to the ridge-tops is incredible. The Dunes seem to rise up hundreds of feet, and the footprints you leave behind will be blown away within an hour.
If you desire something a bit more challenging and possibly somewhat stupid, then follow these directions. Wake up very early from your lodging point and head out northeasterly; you eventually cross into Nevada and wind up in Beatty, Nevada. The town appears to be supported by three industries: a disturbingly dusty mining pit, trailer homes of prostitution and small casinos. We opted for the casino and ended up eating a $6 buffet breakfast and then winning $40 in the slots. Most likely the winings wouldn't be enough for a visit to one of the local trailers, so we headed back to California.
On the way back, we saw a sign that read Titus Canyon. Looking at the map, it didn't seem to be much of a challenge, and we figured we had the time to burn. The road surface quickly became a rutted mess; we began to realize that it was actually a one-way road. Within the next few hundred feet, we turned a corner and about crapped our pants. The real version of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride lay ahead, slicing up a shear canyon wall and there was no way to turn back. At times I couldn't understand why the SUV hadn't rolled off the cliff. Did I actually mutter a prayer to the Tiki God? Eventually the nightmarish stuff comes to an end as you near a fascinating little ghost town. It was only here during the nearly two hour adventure that we saw any type of human life form within the canyon. They were a middle-aged German couple whom I seemed to scare off by saying "You got to be really careful in a place like this!" while I thirstily guzzled the entire contents of a beer bottle.

Past the ghost town and realizing no one else was in this massive canyon, we decided to do some canyon hiking au natural, except for our socks and Vans tennis shoes. Inspiring or exhibitionism I don't really know, but at least it was memorable. Back into the car, the canyon soon narrowed to something less than a car length wide. Freakishly, it spits you out into the harsh desert reality and you are left speechless and ready for room service.

Death Valley is a great low cost adventure. Plenty to do and even more to see. Just remeber to bring lots of water and maybe some beer of course.


Jeff Burgess   /  Travel Invasion
The Blackboard was an Arts and Entertainment magazine which was published monthly. The magazine recently ceased publication and along with it went the website which contained numerous Travel stories written by Travel Invasion. We are in the process of republishing these stories for your entertainment.